Archive for March 17, 2011

Stunned

Dumbstruck.
Let me get this straight.

A woman woke up in her home to find a strange man standing over her bed, in his underwear, with her husband, who also is in his underwear.

The woman was then informed by her half nekkid husband that he’d been taken hostage by a screwdriver-wielding man and a woman who forced him to inhale a substance that he assumed was crack cocaine. They then pushed him into his home and demanded money.

He had no cash on his person, so he promptly obliged the “attackers” by going to a nearby bank ATM to take out $800. The husband and the criminals returned to the house, where they forced him to smoke more of the “substance”, strip down to his skivvies and pay his wife a visit upstairs.

(Just let that sink in for a hot minute.)

(I’ll wait…)


THEN, when his wife decides the best course of action is to call the police, he stops her.
He tells her to let them do what they want.

Apparently, “what they want” included “crazy screwdriver underpants” man making advances to the (understandably) bewildered wife. She refused, of course, and stayed in her room, where her husband again wouldn’t let her call the police.
He continued to refuse this request until after the two “assailants” left their house $800 richer and in possession of his car keys, wallet and garage door opener.

Shockingly, the police found this story lacking a ring of truth, and came up with a very different scenario.

Horny husband finds a couple and decides to “Spice up your life” by paying them to have a sex party in his home, with his wife.
Who knows absolutely NOTHING about this plan.

My guess is the topic of multiple partners never came up once in the Fakhoury household. I’m also guessing that if any “substance” was used, the husband knew exactly what it was, because that’s what he ordered.

What I love is that he continued to stick to this ridiculous story with the police.

Can’t you just picture it?

After the husband finally broke down after being interrogated, after learning that the couple ratted him out, after the truth came out and after all of this ends up in the police blotter. Somebody had to ask him, “Why didn’t you just bring up your idea about another couple to your wife before this incident?”
And I can hear his answer: “That would have been too embarrassing!”

This is so dumbass, I actually made this face:

This was too funny not to talk about, people.
This guy may get a write-in vote into the DA Hall of Fame on his first try!
Bravo, sir!
Bravo.